The Detectives
by The Goliath Beetle
Summary: Radarr's being a fussy eater, and it's showing. Meanwhile, Finn's missing his hair gel and Stork is up to no good. The evidence may be incriminating...*Multi-Chapter*
1. They Hate Vets

_The Detectives_

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><p>Aerrow was frowning. His leaf-hued eyes swirled with worry as he watched Radarr. There was something off about him. It was either the fact that he looked drained, or that he was wearing hair gel. Make that fur gel. The bridge of the Condor had never been neater—two glass bowls were laid out, with residues of something dark purple in them. The blue sky monkey lay fast asleep on the couch. It was a slumber so heavy that it almost seemed as though he'd been drugged…<p>

The Sky Knight looked up and to his other teammates, who were standing around Radarr and eyeing the situation with equal mystery. Then Piper squealed. She bent down and stared at something on the floor. The others gave her questioning looks. Her lips quivered as she gazed at them. "This is a half-eaten worm," and with that turned a visible tinge of green.

There was a louder, scratchier cry. Finn, who was standing right beside Piper. He doubled back and lost his balance, falling butt-first onto the floor. "That is gross!" he cried, and then proceeded to tenderly touch the worm carcass with his clothed feet. "Ewwww."

Aerrow frowned some more, looking at Stork. "Keep it down, you guys," he advised. "You'll wake Radarr." His expression made it clear that he wanted explanations. And then Junko made another starling discovery.

The Wallop inched closer to the sleeping Radarr and observed, "He looks thinner."

"Oh!" Piper interjected. "I remember that he hadn't eaten a morsel last night…"

"Or for several nights," Aerrow added cautiously, stroking his chin.

"And days," Junko finished. "I mean…Has anyone noticed that he hasn't been touching his food? And it's fried chicken! He loves that!"

"You think he's turning veg?" Finn muttered from the side. He was on his feet again.

"Radarr?" Aerrow scoffed, "Vegetarian! No way. But we'll ask him when he wakes up."

Stork asked another good question. "Where did he find the wine from?" and he pointed at the empty glass bowls, that were smelling strongly of alcohol. The merb picked them up. "Yes, I see remains of a purple liquid. And it reeks of wine."

Two other questions came up. One from Piper, which was: "Are Sky Monkeys supposed to have alcohol? Because I know dogs aren't…"

And the other belonged to Finn, and it made him look like a bit of an idiot. "You think he was having a date?" and he said it in all seriousness, too.

Aerrow and Piper snickered. Junko stared, and Stork frowned. "A date?" the merb repeated in disbelief and scorn. "I think we'd notice if there were two Sky Monkeys on this ship at the same time! And that doesn't explain his anorexia! And if we don't find the cure, his body will slowly get thinner and thinner, and then he'll die."

"That's enough," Aerrow said quickly. "No one's going to die, okay?" He sounded a bit panicky, however. "Look, let him wake up. We'll ask him about it…We might take him to the vet, too."

Junko shuddered. "I hate vets."

And all the other Hawks murmured in agreement.

Aerrow cleared his throat. "So, yeah, let him be. We'll start on the chores. When he wakes up, we'll sort him out, okay?" His teammates seemed to agree, and all of them dispersed. Junko and Aerrow both went to the hangar and Piper inched to the kitchen. Finn watched as Stork went to the control board of the Condor. The sharpshooter had to do the ironing, a job he would love to procrastinate. And anyway, Radarr was his friend, and he was worried.

Besides, he thought he was on to something.

He knew something weird had been going on, because his hair gel kept getting stolen. Which wasn't cool, because he was the Finnster, and he liked his hair gel. Seeing as he was usually the only one on the Condor to use it, he was a bit curious when he discovered that his brand new pot of the thing had gotten over in two days. Even he didn't use _that _much. And then he'd found suspicious blue strands hair on his bed. Only one word. Radarr. And this lovely morning was proof.

_Because Radarr was wearing hair gel._

And he was prepared to bet that the said cosmetic belonged to him.

"You're serious?" Finn asked. "You don't think he can get a girlfriend?"

Stork turned and gave Finn a smart, suave look. "I don't think he can get a girlfriend _and hide it. _I understand if you and Junko and even Aerrow wouldn't notice, but between Piper and I, we'd have figured something."

"Maybe he's good at keeping it a secret?" Finn suggested.

"Seems unlikely that he's that good."

"C'mon, Stork. Look at the evidence. Wine, hair gel?"

Stork gave Finn an amused look. Perhaps wondering how Finn even knew the word 'evidence'. "Standing alone," Stork said, "I'd agree with you. But he looks underfed, and you can't deny it. What has that got to do with having a girlfriend?"

Finn smirked. "Maybe she's so ugly that he loses his appetite." Which made him receive a condescending glare from the merb.

"Yeah...somehow, I don't think so." But Stork relented. A part of what Finn said did make sense. (Oh no, the horror!). "Look, find me proof that the anorexia has something to do with your theory and I might just believe you." And the merb gave an evil grin. "Consider it your own personal project."

The sharpshooter raised an eyebrow. "I just gave you a perfect assumption about why he's not eat-"

"Something more sensible."

"Oh."

"So, are you up for it?" Stork prodded.

Finn couldn't decipher the look in the merb's eyes. He seemed very..."Let me get this straight. You're giving me permission to go snooping into Radarr's love-life. Is that it?"

"Yes." The answer was so flat and serious that to Finn, it felt like a punch in the gut. Stork elaborated, "I don't want Radarr to die of starvation, you know."

"Oh," Finn muttered, shrugging. "Makes sense. And yes. I'm up for it."

"Good! Go. Shoo." And then Stork brushed him off like old news.

Well, whatever. Finn had just been given official permission to be up to no good. He could help Radarr get his appetite back in the process. And more importantly, he could avoid doing the ironing.

Really. What more could a guy want?

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><p><strong>AN: TBC. And may I warn you that updates might be slow. Hopefully I'll have time in the Christmas Holidays, but my exams start from Monday, and I won't be able to come online for a week.**

**So thanks a ton for reading, and please leave a review. They really motivate me to write more. I hope you liked this, because I had a lot of fun writing it. :)**


	2. Princess Holmes?

_Squadron log, _

_Today, you will be converted into a Sherlock Holmes style notebook. Because we must solve this mystery before the clock strikes midnight, and I must stop writing like this before I sound like a fairytale princess._

_So. Mystery log. Watcha waitin' for. Chika Cha. _

**_Crime Scene: _**

_1. Radarr—Anorexic. Possibly drunk and hungover. _

_2. He's wearing MY hair gel, which he stole from me the other day. (Proof: Blue fur on my bed.)_

3. …_What else? Hmm…I'll leave some place for more._

_4._

_5._

_6._

**_Clues:_**

_1.__Residual wine in glass bowl on table_

_2. Missing hair gel. Found on Radarr. _

_3. Radarr anorexic. _

_4. Half eaten worm found by Piper_

_5. ?_

**_Theory:_**

_Radarr has a secret girlfriend. _

The case was on. Finn stared at his squadron log for a bit. What next? Let's see. If he himself had a girlfriend and was trying to hide it…The best place to look for evidence would be…his room. Duh. Or in this case, Radarr's room.

But Radarr slept in Aerrow's room. Grand. He'd always wanted to snoop around there! The Sky Knight was currently with Junko, sorting out some skimmer stuff in the hangar. It was safe.

The sharpshooter snuck out, squadron log in hand and a pencil in his pocket. This needed to be stealthy. Stealthy like a cat. Meow.

There was no-one outside Aerrow's room, so cautiously, Finn opened the door and crept inside. And as usual, the leader's room was as neat as ever. Nicely made bed, cleared desk. A poster of a cool skimmer on one of the walls. Night lamp. Nothing to suggest anything suspicious.

Or…was its lack of suspicious-ness in fact a ploy? Hmm…A good detective was ever-aware.

Finn imagined the Mission Impossible theme playing in his head as he crept like a ninja all over the floor. (Which meant he actually pretended to be a ninja, imitating kicks and chops and punches to thin air.)

What was he looking for, anyway? Love-letters? Those would be too obvious. Chocolates? Flowers? And if he did find any of these things, how did he know these things didn't belong to Aerrow?

Finn snorted. Aerrow. Girlfriend. Riiight.

Anyway.

What was he looking for again? Oh, yes. What was it? Love letters. Could Sky Monkeys write? Finn pulled open drawers, checked under the bed, winked at himself in the mirror…Everything. There was quite simply nothing to suggest—

"What is _that?_" Finn whispered aloud as he saw himself in the mirror. For once in his life, something other than his 'beautiful' face had caught his eye.

A single dark red thread, about the size of a worm.

_Wait. What? _

He turned around sharply. There it was! Right there, underneath the bed. Besides its wooden leg. What was that, really?

_It's nothing, you moron, _the logical side of Finn said. Then the other part—the part that housed warrior instinct—kicked in. _Check it. Check it. Check it. NOW!_

So Finn walked over—

Peered down—

And checked it.

"I don't believe this," he whispered quietly. "I just don't believe this."

And that's when Aerrow barged in.

"Finn...? Can I help you with something?" The Sky Knight sounded just a little bit annoyed, but mostly bewildered.

His eyes dark and narrowed, Finn looked up. "How dare you."

"Excuse me?" Aerrow's voice reached a new pitch of sharpness. With a cool regard to Finn's expression, he added, "You barge into _my _room, and-"

"How. Dare. You. Eat. Atmosian Licorice. Without. ME!"

That stopped the redhead short. "Huh?"

Finn stood, and picked up the tiny worm-like thing. "This is Atmosian Red Licorice, isn't it? _Isn't it?_"

"Y-yes," Aerrow stammered, not used to Finn looking so murderous (And certainly not about candy, though he shouldn't have been surprised).

"You didn't _share? _How could you do that to me! HOW COULD YOU DO THAT TO ME?" With a dramatic wail, he rushed out of Aerrow's room, heartbroken as hell.

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><p><strong>AN: Yes, I know it isn't as good as the previous chapter. I'm trying to kill writer's block here, okay? And, my computer crashed while I was writing this—but it auto-saved, so thank god. **

**Anyway, I want to thank all those who have read/favourite-ed/ alerted/and reviewed this story, because it truly means a lot to me. **

**Thanks for reading :) **


	3. Bananas and Sour Grapes

"Guys! Guys!" Piper cried as she dashed onto the bridge. "Aerrow, Junko, Stork, Finn…YOU GUYS!"

The merb tore his eyes away from the windscreen and took them to Piper. He saw Junko, Finn and Aerrow assemble nervously, waiting to see what they'd done wrong now. Piper hadn't noticed their expressions. She seemed panicky as she looked around them, and then at Radarr, still deeply unconscious on the couch.

"So, I did some research," she said, talking fast, "And turns out, Sky Monkeys _aren't _supposed to have alcohol, and—and—it can lead to all sorts of problems if medical treatment isn't given in time!" With a sorrowful groan, she sat down on the couch and stroked the sleeping Radarr.

Stork felt a jolt of worry not uncommon to him. He didn't want to say it out loud. His predictions about doom were only bearable if there was a slight chance that they were wrong. He brought himself back to the situation and decided not to think about it. That's when he realised Aerrow was pacing. Finn and Junko looked equally nervous.

"He'll…He'll be alright, won't he?" the sharpshooter asked nervously.

"Yes, yes he will," Aerrow snapped fiercely. "Junko, Piper, we're taking him to the vet. Now. Finn, you'll stay with Stork. If the Cyclonians attack, I don't want anyone to face them alone. Is that clear?" The Sky Knight didn't get any arguments. Everyone knew when to shut up if he used that tone. "Good. C'mon guys."

Piper stood, with just as much energy as the redhead. "Okay. Nearest terra with vet facilities…That'll be Atmosia."

"Not too far from here. We'll take the skimmers—Taking the Condor will just waste more time. Junko, you carry Radarr."

"Okay," Junko said, already tearful. "Come on, lil' guy…It'll be fi-fine," he stammered and cried as he carefully lifted the tiny blue creature.

They were gone in a flurry. Pretty soon, there was only the awkward silence between Stork and Finn that remained. The sharpshooter eyed the helmsman worriedly. "He'll be okay, won't he?" Then, realising who he was asking the question to, added, "Don't answer that."

Stork, in an attempt to change the topic, asked, "How far have you gotten with your little project?"

The other boy shrugged. "Did you know Aerrow had Atmosian Red Licorice in his room and didn't bother to share?"

"Are you serious?"

"As hell."

"Damn him." Stork shook his head ruefully. "All the lies…"

"Tell me about it!" Finn crossed his arms indignantly. "And to answer your question, not very far. I couldn't find any evidence to support the 'Radarr's Girlfriend' theory anywhere in Aerrow's room."

Stork turned right back to piloting the ship, rolling his eyes. "Have you ever considered the fact that your genius theory might just be wrong?"

"No, because it isn't," Finn declared. "And unless you're going to help, don't make stupid comments."

"Fine!" the merb cried, throwing his hands in the air in annoyance. "Fine! You want help? Try looking at the evidence as _evidence _instead of looking for stuff to verify your maniac theory. You have too many variables going on here! You need some concrete proof! Take that wine, for example. Did you even stop to think about _that? _No. I thought as much! You know what you need to do? You need to first make sure that the wine in the bowl is in fact wine in the bowl. For all we know, it could be grape juice!"

"Wine…is grape juice. Spoilt grape juice," Finn muttered. "And for the record, yes, I entered the wine in the evidence category of my mystery log. So there."

Stork had the expression of someone who'd just been told that their pet dragon was spitting bunnies. An expression more aptly described as _'Huh?' _

Choosing the safe response, the merb said, "…Why don't you, uh, take the wine bowl, and uh, go make sure it's alcohol…"

"Like…taste it?" Finn cried disgustedly. "Eew, no. Radarr _and _his girlfriend have drunk from that. They're not even…They're Sky Monkeys!" A statement which totally defeated the point of 'looking at the evidence as evidence'. "You taste it!" Finn added angrily.

"No, I am _not _going to taste it!" Stork snapped.

"Why not, huh?"

"Because it's probably ridden with potentially fatal germs. I think you'd best taste it."

Finn hit Stork in the back of the head with a couch cushion. The merb glared at him, murderous. "You know what we need to do," Finn said with a smirk, "We need to test it in Piper's lab."

"Are you crazy?" Stork cried. "She'll kill us! No-one's supposed to sneak in there."

The sharpshooter shrugged in the most 'devil-may-care' fashion. "Meh, whatever. I've done it loads of times."

"So you'd know," was the dry-toned answer.

But it was useless. Finn just gave him a toothy grin and said, "You moved the wine-bowl to the kitchen, yes?"

* * *

><p>The tension was thick and unbearable. Stork felt like a stowaway on board a ship. Living in fear that he may be caught. "We shouldn't be doing this…We really shouldn't be doing this…"<p>

"Look, you told me we should test to see if this wine is wine, so we're doing it. Now shut up," Finn snapped. "Besides, Piper isn't even here." He looked around the intricate lab. "What's that paper? Starts with an L. Heard Piper mentioning it once…?" Reading Stork's expression correctly, he said, "Oh you know…It changes colour from red to blue and stuff?"

"Litmus paper?" Stork guessed, shaking his head. "You're going to test this with Litmus Paper?" There was a small pause. "That's…actually kinda smart."

"Can you see any Litnus paper?" Finn snapped. He clearly hadn't listened to the compliment about his intelligence—A shame, because he didn't get them often. He was throwing stuff about, upsetting papers and crystals and generally making a total mess of the place.

"Lit_mus_," Stork corrected, "Oh, never mind. No, I don't." He watched as the crack shot stopped, took out his squadron log, and scribbled something down.

"According to my mystery log, we're wasting time," Finn declared simply. "Because if it looks like wine and it smells like wine and it tastes like wine, it has to be wine!"

"Sure, but neither of us has tasted it," Stork said with a smirk.

The look Finn gave him was pure deadly. "You're never gonna let go of this, are you?"

"I just want to be sure we're on the right track," the merb replied, hands up in defence.

"Alright. Fine. If that's going to make you shut up, I'll do it." With nerves of steel and taste buds of harder stuff, Finn picked up the tiny glass bowl, took a deep breath, and had a sip. (Well, more like, had a drop, since that's all that remained after Radarr and his theory-girlfriend were done with it.)

There was an immediate and violent reaction. Finn hacked and coughed and dropped the bowl. "Oh no, oh no, oh no," he rasped, "Stork…water!"

"Finn, Finn, oh god, water—what's happening! I thought it was just wine!" Harried, terrified, the merb shuffled around the laboratory. It suddenly seemed a lot more cramped than it had been two seconds ago. His friend was dying—perhaps worse, and…and…

"It _is _wine," Finn groaned, leaning against a wall. "But it's Port. Port wine! UGH. Do you KNOW how crappy that tastes?"

Stork stopped in mid breath.

And then he went over and slapped Finn.

"Never. Do. That. Again," the merb threatened. "Or I will _make sure _that you're poisoned."

The sniper seemed startled alright. And then his mood went bad. Quickly. "This whole detective crap is stupid anyway. I'm hungry. Excuse me." With that, he pushed past the merb and stalked off.

Stork couldn't resist the pun. "So…it's a case of sour grapes, is it then? You know…wine, sour grapes…? Oh, jokes are wasted on you."

* * *

><p>Finn wanted a banana. He was having a craving. So seeing how this day was progressing, it was only natural that there wasn't a single one left in the fruit bowl. There were apples and pears and grapes (He'd had enough of <em>those <em>for a lifetime), but no bananas. Great. G-R-E-A-T.

Wait. Weren't Piper and the rest on their way to Atmosia? Oh, perfect.

Finn dashed to the hangar and found his skimmer. Quickly activating the radio, he contacted Piper. "Hey, listen, it's me. You still in Atmosia?"

"Not even reached yet, why?" Piper asked. Her voice sounded strange through the transmitter, as everyone's voices did when they were being recorded or something likewise.

"Good. When you get there, don't forget to get some bananas, okay?"

"What? We're out of bananas?" She sounded surprised. "But…We just got some two days ago!"

"There's not a single one left," Finn muttered. "Just…get some, will ya?"

"Okay, sure. Piper out."

Cutting the transmission, Finn went right over to the bridge to complain some more.

"Do you know we're out of bananas?" he whined to Stork.

The merb looked at Finn and frowned. "But…we just got some two days ago."

"Yeah, there's not a single one left in the kitchen." Finn sprawled on the couch and closed his eyes. "I can't think when I'm hungry."

Stork, on the other hand, was nursing a thought. "Finn…I'm afraid to say…you might have a point."

Hearing those words from Stork's mouth made Finn jolt and sit up. "What? I do?" Quickly, he added, "Of course I do. Wait…what are we talking about?"

Stork paced the length of the bridge, excited. "Don't Sky Monkeys like bananas?"

"Pfft-YEAH. Remember that time Radarr wanted to go to the Terra of Giant Bananas?"

The merb smirked. "Yes. And if there were two Sky Monkeys…then…naturally, there would be fewer bananas!"

Finn narrowed his eyes. "That's what I've been trying to say all along, Stork. Radarr has a girlfriend."

The helmsman shook his head in awe. "Finn, for once in my life, I agree with you."

And what was the world coming to?

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Well, I am in a GOOD mood, so I've got a lot to say. **

**First of all, I'm convinced Radarr is a Sky Monkey. I don't remember in which episode, but I do know that once, he was referred to as 'That little monkey!' or something similar. Besides, I've read stories (Old stories) in the Storm Hawks section that also call him a Sky Monkey. Anyway, for argument's sake, it doesn't hurt to refer to him as one. **

**Secondly, for those who don't know, Litmus paper is an indicator in Chemistry. If you dip it into an acid, or an acidic substance, it turns red. If you expose it to a base, or a basic substance, it turns blue. Wine is acidic. So I'm assuming here that Litmus would work, under the conditions.**

**Third, I'm changing the rating of this fic to 'T'. I'm not entirely sure where this is going, but for some reason, I was _aching _to hint at some Finn/Stork slash in this chapter, and I resisted like crazy. Also, I've used words like 'damn', and I know that some people consider it offensive. (I use it all the time, but hey, each to their own.)**

**Ha. I feel epic. I was listening to music for four and a half hours, walking around the place, thinking up all kinds of ideas for all kinds of stories (Personal and FanFiction related), and I finally came up with this. And I know this is sort of random, but check out the song 'Whiskey Lullaby'. **

**Anyway, that's it from me, for now. Thank you all for reading. And if you'd be so kind as to leave a review, that would make me even happier. :D **


	4. The Sandcake Revelation

"So we know he drank Port wine, and we know they ate bananas, but…what else?" asked Stork, pacing. "We need to find more clues here…"

"Why? Radarr has a girlfriend, and I was right all along. Case closed," Finn shrugged, emerging from the kitchen with a packet of chips. "Want some?" he offered, "They're salted!"

"I'll pass," Stork replied dryly, and added, "We've not yet discovered why he isn't eating, or who this new Sky Monkey is, or—"

"We could just ask Radarr, you know, when he comes back."

"What if he's too unwell to sit and chat, Finn? Besides, if he wanted us to know, he'd have told us. No, we want to find out, we'll have to find out ourselves." With an air of finality, Stork crossed his arms. "Right. Let's think about this." He snatched Finn's squadron log and opened to the 'Mystery Log' page. "The worm that Piper discovered."

"It's quite possible that it was already there anyway, and one of us just stepped on it and killed it," Finn replied with an eye roll. Suddenly, the rational part of his brain was working. The sharpshooter was right: he really could think better when he wasn't hungry. On cue, he chucked another handful of salted crisps in his mouth. "We'd do better to try and look for that bottle of Port instead. I mean, has anyone even _seen _it all day?"

The merb narrowed his eyes. "Every time you have a point, I worry."

"Thanks for the faith."

The two of them went to the kitchen, and started the wild goose chase for the glass bottle. They began by looking in the fridge, and then progressed slowly, searching shelves and cupboards, upturning vessels, foodstuffs and cutlery in the process. With a dark cloud looming over their heads, they realised one thing.

"It's in the trash, isn't it?" Finn asked letting his head fall to his hands.

"I hope not," Stork prayed, speaking very fast and almost sweating. "Because I don't wanna raid the bin!"

No. The prospect of raiding the bin wasn't even considered. Stork started hyperventilating at the thought of all those germs, and even Finn found it absolutely disgusting. Yeah, they'd searched through a garbage barge, once, but as a team! There was moral support…But now?

"I'll give you moral support," Stork promised, standing as far away from the dustbin as possible. "Go Finn. Yay."

"C'mon! This is for _Radarr. _You can't chicken out like this!"

"Watch me," Stork snapped, his body language going defensive.

Finn made a face. "If you're not going to do this with me, then we're not doing this at all!"

"Fine!"

"…NO. Not fine."

By the time Finn had convinced Stork to come within one foot of the dustbin, he even forgot which team he was arguing for. The debate went from 'This is for Radarr' to 'I can't do this without you' and from 'You need to man-up!' to 'I'm too scared to do this alone', and then it continued all the way into 'I'll pay you' to 'DO IT OR I'LL KILL YOU.' Finn was jumping from promise to promise, leaping over the words as gracefully as a bowling ball falling into water. By the time Stork agreed, Finn was out of breath, thirsty, and extremely irritated.

Stork did the brave deed of keeping his foot pressed on the paddle of the dustbin, while Finn (With rubber gloves on his hands and his sleeves rolled way up high) attempted to raid the trash.

Turns out, the whole operation was unnecessary. All it took was for Finn to peer into the trashcan and say, "Uh, dude, I don't see a wine bottle in here."

Words wouldn't describe Stork's relief.

* * *

><p>"Sandcake?" Stork asked, shoving a glass jar under Finn's nose. It was rare for him to share his sandcakes, but they'd just been through a traumatic experience together, and a bit of generosity was called for.<p>

"Don't mind if I do," Finn replied, taking one from the jar. Sitting around the table, the munched in silence, thinking about their next step.

"I don't get this," Stork said finally. "If they'd gone through the whole thing in one night, wouldn't it be in the garbage? And if they haven't, where is it hidden?"

"Yeah! I searched Aerrow's room before, right, and nothing, I swear. No lovey-dovey letters, strange presents, pictures, _nothing._"

"He's good."

"Pfft—Storm Hawk, remember?"

Stork raised an eyebrow smartly. "Stealth…Doesn't apply for all of us."

Finn made a face, and hurriedly changed the topic. "C'mon, where'd you think he's hiding this stuff?"

"Hmm…Let's put ourselves in Radarr's place, for a moment," Stork began, stroking his chin. "If we couldn't hide incriminating evidence in our rooms, where would we go?"

"I'd destroy it," Finn said simply.

"Even if it was a heartfelt, soppy letter from a girl you love?" Stork questioned, before shaking his head. "Right…No-one would send you a heartfelt, soppy letter. My bad."

In response, Finn snatched the last sandcake from the jar and muttered, "Ass."

Stork laughed. "Anyway, I wouldn't destroy it. I'd hide it somewhere no-one could access."

Finn, intrigued, raised an eyebrow. "What place would that be?"

The merb smirked. "If you honestly thought I'd tell you…"

"Worth a shot," the sharpshooter shrugged. "But back to Radarr…Where'd you think _he'd_ hide it?"

Stork started to pace. "He's smallish. He can go where we can't. Any ideas?" he asked finally, looking at Finn.

The blonde had a shrewd look in his eyes. Arms crossed, and one foot tapping he mused, "How about the vents?"

* * *

><p><strong>AN: This was a filler chapter! Therefore, it did not come out well. I'm not good at fillers. (But then again, I'd like to meet a person who is.) Still, I hope this was bearable. **

**Thanks for reading! :) **


	5. They Vent

"There are only five possible vents that can hide the Port," Stork said as he pushed a heavy wooden crate in position. They were in the hangar, and Stork was in his element. It was clear that he knew what he was talking about. "There's one in the bridge, one in the kitchen, two in the corridors and this one, here, in the hangar bay." He pulled back and gasped for air.

"Interesting," Finn said uninterestedly. He'd been bullied into moving heavy boxes around, and was presently heaving a large wooden carton, about the same size as his skimmer.

"I decided to first search this one because it's very high up there, and impossible to reach," Stork continued in a sage-like manner. "Good, now stack that carton on this crate."

"It's heavy," Finn complained. "Come here and help me!"

Stork exhaled dramatically and assisted the sharpshooter. Together, they managed to lift the box onto the crate. The merb then found another carton and stacked it up on the second. By the end of it, they had a make-shift ladder.

"Since I am smarter and more valuable to the team," Stork said with a smile, "I vote you climb that and check the vent." He placed a compassionate hand on Finn's shoulder. "Go ahead."

Finn could have punched Stork, but he didn't. Instead, he peered up at the netted ventilator and smirked. It really was quite high off the ground. "You're taller than me. You can reach it easier. I vote you."

"Then we're at an impasse, Finn."

"I guess we are!"

In the end, both parties lost. Finn had to support Stork's weight on his shoulders, as Stork climbed to peer into the vent. The whole thing was very unsteady, since the merb was precariously balanced on three boxes and the sharpshooter's body.

"If the others show up right now," Stork muttered nervously, "We wouldn't even know. The hangar doors wouldn't open, and those guys would be stuck out there."

"Hurr-rry up," Finn choked. "I can't breathe." He was clutching on to Stork's ankles and the merb's feet smelled weird.

Stork was really nervous about this. But he grabbed onto the door of the vent and peered inside. He saw something.

_He saw something. _

"Finn, push me up a bit!"

"I hate you," was the prompt and strained answer. A second later, Stork found himself elevating.

He managed to open the vent and stick his arm inside—hot, stuffy air hit his face—the object, whatever it was, wasn't too far inside. He even managed to clasp his long fingers around it.

A warm, glass bottle.

Ha.

The expedition ended successfully. No-one fell, nothing broke. Except perhaps Finn's shoulders.

Finn snatched the bottle from Stork. They shared a smirk.

"The Port wine," Finn said happily.

Stork nodded and grinned. "We make for darn good detectives."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: The chapter SUCKED. Don't even need to say it. I know. Sorry. **

**Also, I apologize for being away for so long. I just haven't had the time. And today I almost broke my spine, so haha, I got time xD **

**I hope you guys review. Thanks for putting up with this chapter. :) **


	6. Eat Your Veggies

So they'd found the port wine. What now?

Stork was reading through Finn's Mystery Log, with a deeply thoughtful expression on his face. "We're missing something," he kept mumbling. "Something big." But he was talking to the walls. Finn was sprawled on the couch, muttering to himself about how much the merb weighed and how he'd never be able to walk again.

"We've explained only the wine," Stork said finally. "We've still got the worm, the bananas, and Radarr's anorexia to account for." He quickly made an entry in the log about the quickly vanishing bananas, and looked at Finn for answers.

The sharpshooter said, "How about, all the bananas were eaten by worms which were left half-eaten by spiders, and since Radarr's turned vegetarian because his girlfriend is also vegetarian, he couldn't eat anything else."

"Thanks for your valuable comments," Stork replied dryly. The fact that they had an entire collection of vegetables—"OH WAIT," he cried suddenly and dashed to the kitchen. Stork heard Finn call him, but he was too pumped to listen.

Vegetables they had a-plenty. That he checked. There were a lot.

But not enough.

There should have been two kilos of tomatoes. At least four were missing. There should have been five carrots, but there were only three. There should have been six beetroots, but they were one short. And there should have been two cabbages. There were none.

Stork knew because it was one of those things that Stork just knew about. At first, days ago, he'd suspected those nasty Buno Bunnies were at work again. But now, an entirely new theory had popped into his head.

Presently, Finn was standing behind him, and giving him questioning looks. Stork turned sharply. "Finn, you're a genius, and don't you forget it."

There was a small silence. And then meekly, the sharpshooter squeaked, "Okay. Why?"

"Because you were right. Radarr's anorexia—I know what's going on. He's not eating meat. Which means he's stuck with veggies. Which are hard to sneak because Piper always checks on them, in case we're on a mad mission—you know how she is about having all the necessities in place. Radarr's been eating only a little at a time. Only at meal-times, and seeing how he hates rabbit food, he doesn't eat willingly. Except for the bananas. He _loves _bananas, and eats them until they're gone, because there's nothing else! It's voluntary starvation." Stork took a massive breath and stared at Finn happily.

"All this for…a vegetarian girlfriend," Finn stated confusedly. "And sneaking food, really? What is he, a rat? Why can't he just come clean?"

"Because that would involve telling everyone about her," Stork declared, finally accepting Finn's 'girlfriend' theory. "And he doesn't want to do that."

"WHY?" Finn cried now, shaking his head. "It's not like we're going to eat her or something."

Stork frowned. "Maybe he doesn't want us to know because we'd disapprove, or he's scared of what we think."

"Why would we disapprove, is what I'm asking," Finn snapped, crossing his arms. "Unless she's some Cyclonian monkey or something." At that thought, both boys shuddered. Radarr and an evil primate…that would be weird.

Stork was quiet. Why would they disapprove? They weren't like that…And this still wouldn't explain the worm…

And then the radio crackled. "Hey Stork! Open up, it's us."

Radarr and the gang were home.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: I am considerably happier with this chapter. Thanks for reading. Please review! **


	7. In The Kitchen Again

"That blue hair gel thief has some explaining to do," Finn snapped suddenly as Stork pressed the button to open the hangar doors. The sharpshooter crossed his hands and tapped his foot, annoyance rising fast. It wasn't because of all that stupid lying, but the sneaking food that got him on edge. The way he saw it, if you couldn't trust your friends with something as vital and as basic as food requirements, you couldn't trust them at all.

And all that, for some stupid girl. If he ever did find her…Forget it. Finn didn't want to find her any more.

Aerrow entered the bridge first, carrying a groggy but conscious Radarr. Giving a moment for his friends to see that the creature was very much alive, he said, "I'm going to put him to bed, okay? The vet said he needs plenty of rest," and with that, exited again to his room.

Stork then diverted his attention to Piper and Junko. "Well?" he demanded. Junko heaved a shuddering sigh in response, and sat down on the couch. He dropped his head in his hands.

Piper smiled tiredly, placing a soothing hand on Junko's shoulder. The girl put on a brave face and answered, "He was on a drip. They had to give him this whole variety of medicines, and the vet said that if his heart rate continued to drop like that, he'd have to be placed in the ICU…we thought he was going to die. But the medicines seemed to work because we were allowed to bring him back here."

Stork nodded solemnly, thoughts of the previous detective adventure long gone from his mind. "Is he still on medication?"

"Obviously," Junko muttered. "We got them…some five types of pills."

Finn shivered. If he didn't like doctors, he hated pills even more. He was always scared he was going to choke and die on them. Plus, if they tasted bad, that was even worse. For Radarr's sake, he hoped they were those plastic-like capsules.

"How about you guys?" Piper asked rather hurriedly in an attempt to change the subject. "Any problems?"

Stork and Finn exchanged glances. There was some silent communicating going on here. It was the merb who finally answered. "Not really. Finn was just hungry. That was annoying."

Finn, who genuinely was hungry, asked, "You got those bananas I asked for?" and grinned a fake grin as Piper showed him a paper bag of groceries. "I'll put these in the kitchen," he declared. Emphatically, he gave Stork a look and walked off.

The merb wasn't too far behind.

"What?" he asked Finn behind the closed kitchen door.

"What do we do now?" the blonde asked. "And why do you think we shouldn't tell the others about this whole thing with Radarr?"

"I just want to be sure, that's why," Stork replied. "And I want to speak with Radarr myself." Watching his partner in crime nod, he added, "Let's just keep it low for a bit. There's still the entire afternoon to go. Let's just keep looking for more evidence. And I'll check our flight history. See where we've been stopping over the past week. That should help figure out where and how this girlfriend survives unseen with six people on board."

"Good idea." Finn tore out a banana from the bunch and offered it to Stork. The merb declined. So Finn took a bite of it himself. "What sort of evidence are we looking for now?"

There was a long, thoughtful silence. Finally, Stork said, "From the both of us, you're the wannabe womanizer. What do you think?"

Finn took both the words 'wannabe' and 'womanizer' as insults, but said nothing about it. Instead, he scratched his head in thought. This wasn't easy, because he didn't know what sky monkeys found sexy (And honestly, he didn't want to know.) Stuff like lipstick, strands of hair and small perfume bottles came to mind, but he couldn't imagine sky monkeys wearing any of that—and the hair could just as easily be mistaken for Radarr's.

And just then, the kitchen door opened, and Junko entered. He dove straight for the cookie jar on the shelf, and as he chose a chocolate-and-vanilla biscuit, simply happened to mutter, "Funny smell in the air lately."

It sounded so cryptic, that Finn took a large bite from the banana.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: I am SO sorry for such a late update. Exams! And I got a new computer. Sure, I'll miss Old Fossil, my trusty but ancient laptop…we've been through hell and high water together. But I can't say I mind a keyboard that actually works. Haha. **

**Anyway, I felt this was comparatively a very sober chapter. I imagine it's going to pick up from the next update. **

**Hang in there, the story's almost complete! :P **

**Thanks for reading. Please review! **


	8. Of Klopnits and Chicken Lips

Both Stork and Finn turned to Junko, frowning. Finn chewed slowly, and swallowed. The Wallop didn't seem to notice his friends' expressions. Instead, he sniffed again, and went for another cookie. "I was so scared about Radarr," he confessed, "I never want to see another person in hospital again. Especially not one of my friends." He swallowed deeply, and forced his eyes to not tear. "It was so…"

"It's okay, buddy," Finn consoled. "He's better now, yeah? All he needs is sleep."

"And medicine," Stork added, in his best compassionate voice. And for once, suppressing his doomsday theories, said, "He'll be perfectly fine." And then the merb went right down to business. "What were you saying about a funny smell? It must be those pesky Klopnits again."

Junko frowned at Stork, but it was more a look of deep thought than annoyance. "What's a Klopnit?"

"What's the smell?" the merb countered instead.

"I dunno. Seems familiar, but I can't place it…" the Wallop replied, scratching his chin. "I noticed it _weeks _ago…"

"Describe it," Stork ordered. He was honestly worried about Klopnits. This was breeding season for them, the darn pests. The last thing he wanted on the Condor was a swarm of smelly mammals (He lived with Finn, so really, smelly mammals were unavoidable. But still.)

"It's…um…it puts me off my food. Makes me sneeze. Makes my eyes water," Junko replied, unable to really describe it. "I'm sure I've smelled it before, but I can't remember!"

"Klopnits," Stork confirmed. "This is bad." And with that, marched out of the kitchen and to his room, looking for the appropriate disinfectants.

Finn and Junko watched him go, and then the sharpshooter took a step closer to Junko. "Why can't I smell it?" he asked.

Junko shrugged. "Wallops have a good sense of smell, Finn," he replied.

"Where did you smell it last?"

"All over the place!" he cried suddenly. "I've started keeping my bedroom windows open at all times. It…it…it smells like…!" and then suddenly, he stopped short. Junko frowned again. "Chicken lips."

Finn's eyes widened. They looked like saucers, really. "I REMEMBER THAT!" he shouted without warning. "That day we left Radarr at that—at that diner! And when we found him! And you asked him why he smelled of chicken lips!" The blonde was all but jumping in excitement. This. Explained. Everything.

Everything.

EVERYTHING!

"Junko, man, I love you!" He actually pulled Junko into an embrace tight enough to crush a Wallop.

High on euphoria, Finn raced out of the kitchen to tell Stork.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Yes, short chapter, I know. Sorry :P**

**And if you remember right, the episode I'm referring to here is Radarr Love, Season 2, Episode 9. After they find him and get him back to the Condor, the episode ends with Junko saying, "Radarr, why do you smell like chicken lips?" **

**Of course, you now know who Radarr's mystery girl is. But I think you guys knew all along. I never did make much of a secret of it, did I? **

…**Did I? o.O**

**One more thing: "Wallops have a good sense of smell"—I made this one up. I have no clue how good their olfactory senses are. **

**The last few chapters are going to need some planning, so I may not update in a hurry. **

**Thanks for reading! Please review. **


	9. The Stalker Chicken Detective Agency

You would think Finn was taking part in a rapid speech contest.

"So about that smell, Junko told me he'd smelled it before, when we left Radarr at that diner? And when we found him again and Junko said he smelled of chicken lips? Remember that? Well, apparently, it's the same smell, which means that Radarr's girlfriend is a _chicken _which would explain why he's not eating any chicken at all—I mean, who'd eat their own girlfriend's species, right? Can you imagine Dark Ace eating Cyclonis? I mean, can you? And it explains the worm too because chickens eat worms and this is such a big discovery. I mean how hard can it be to find a chicken cause they're loud and smelly and stupid and delicious and—"

"Finn—"

"—and they shed feathers everywhere and they can't even fly too well so it's not like she can just escape out a window—"

"—Finn—"

"—I'm sure I've seen her before too because she keeps stalking him. I thought my eyes were playing tricks on me but how weird is that to have a chicken for a girlfriend—"

"FINN!" Stork shouted finally, making the blonde jump. "First of all: Dark Ace and Cyclonis? Seriously?" He raised an eyebrow. "Have you been drinking? Smoking something?"

The sniper shrugged. "What? Have you seen them? You could cut the sexual tension with a knife."

Stork blinked, and shivered. There was just something fundamentally _wrong _with the thought of their enemies' having sex lives. Especially with each other. For a moment, the helmsman thought he was going to throw up. But he pushed onwards. There were more important things on his priority list than musing about Dark Ace seducing Cyclonis. "A chicken?" he asked, realising his voice was dry.

"Yes. Where's the mystery log? See for yourself. It adds up." Finn nodded vehemently. Stork looked at Finn for a long moment, and realised that it did. Of course. All of them..._all _of them...had seen that chicken hovering around them at least once in their lives. He even remembered the time Piper asked him if the bird was a Cyclonian spy.

"I believe you," Stork said slowly, and in that one sentence, cemented their partnership forever.

Finn looked momentarily startled, but quickly pulled out of it. "Now what?"

"Radarr's still asleep, isn't he?" Stork exhaled thoughtfully. "He would be."

"He needs rest anyway."

"Good point. Tell you what. Let's look for the chicken. We've not landed anywhere since yesterday morning. And she was obviously here the night before. Which means she's still on the ship."

"And she's hungry," Finn added suddenly. "We haven't seen her _all day. _Which means she hasn't come out to eat."

Stork grinned. Finn grinned. They were both thinking the same thing.

* * *

><p>"You two better have a good explanation for this," Piper said quietly as she crossed her arms.<p>

"What am I supposed to do again?" Junko asked.

"It's easy," Stork said coolly. "Junko, you're stationed in the kitchen. Stay there, and look for anything out of the ordinary."

"Like what?"

"Like a hungry chicken," Finn replied in a deadpan tone. "Piper, you and Aerrow are out on the corridors. Same rules apply to you. Hungry chicken."

"What is this about, Finn?" Aerrow questioned, holding his head in his hands.

"This," Stork said severely, "Is for Radarr!"

Finn was holding a huge bowl of boiled bean sprouts. It was the sort of bowl you put popcorn in on movie night, and could hold a lot of anything. "So what I'm going to do is this: I'll sprinkle the beans all over the Condor, leading to the kitchen. There, we corner our stowaway and—"

CRASH.

There was the kind of silence you only get right after something loud happens. Aerrow jumped into action first. "That came from my room!"

* * *

><p>"Cluck cluck?" <em>Are you okay? <em>

"Kree..." _Hungover. But alright. _

"Cluck!" _I TOLD you not to have the wine. But who listens to me? What did I say about human drinks? I said they're bad for us. But noooooo. You have to be the daredevil, don't you? _

"Kree." _Ughhhh, come on, baby. Let it go._

"Cluck cluck cluck?" _Is it true what the humans said? Did you go to the vet? _

"Kree...chirp chirp." _Sort of. Don't remember much of it. _

"Clu...cluck..." _I was so worried. _

"Kree!" _Be careful!_

"Cluck?" _What?_

And with that, the lamp dropped off the table and went crashing to the floor. Stalker Chicken, originally perched on the bedside table, panicked and took to the air—albiet not gracefully. Radarr chirped at the loud crashing sound, his head already searing. The last thing he needed was more noise...

Chicken found her bearings and settled down again, this time, on the floor. She stared at her Radarr, lying down on his human friend's bed. He looked terrible. His eyes were half open, his nose was dry...She wanted to take the pain away so badly. But how?

"Kree...kree kree." _Careful of that broken glass, baby. You'll get hurt._

"Cluck," she replied gently, trying and failing to stroke his forehead with her wing. It was his elevation from the ground. How she hated her tiny size...!

The door flew open. Ugh. Of course the commotion would've invited the humans! She tried to race under the bed, to hide. But it was too late. The chicken-eaters had seen her, their eyes wide in shock.

There were two humans that stood out. One of them was green, and the other had yellow hair, much like her feathers. The yellow-haired one gave out a low whistle, and said something in his human language. Something like, "I was right."

She didn't want to know what it meant.

The green one looked right at her, then at her Radarr. "This is unexpected," he said. Again, she knew not what he spoke. Nervously, she looked at her boyfriend.

"Cluck!" _I'm scared. _

"Kree." _They won't bite. _

"CLUCK!" _That's not funny! You KNOW they eat chickens. _

* * *

><p>"Anyone want to explain what's going on here," Aerrow asked sharply. He looked from Radarr to the chicken, and then to Finn and Stork. "You two. How about it?"<p>

Stork shrugged, and started narrating the entire day's adventure to them all. He'd found his evidence, and now it was time for the others to know. Finn would cut in to help now and then, mentioning details that Stork may have forgotten (or simply trying emphasize his 'awesomeness').

When the story was over, all of them—including Radarr and Stalker Chicken, were quiet. They were all perhaps wondering about the secrets and the sneaking around. But Aerrow being Aerrow, took the initiative.

"Hey there," he said kindly to the bird. Taking the bowl of sprouts from Finn's hands, he placed it in front of her. "I'm Aerrow. That's Piper, Stork, Finn and Junko. You must be hungry."

* * *

><p>That night, after dinner, Finn caught Stork going back to the bridge.<p>

"Does this mean we're never going to eat chickens again?" he asked unhappily.

"Yup."

"Seriously?"

"I don't know, Finn."

They were quiet. And then the blonde said, "We did good."

"Sure, whatever."

"Stork!"

"Alright, alright. I suppose we're pretty good."

"We should start a detective agency!"

Stork rolled his eyes, but humored him. "And what would we call it?"

"It's obvious. We'll call it 'The Stalker Chickens'. Because we're that stealthy and that awesome."

To his own surprise, Stork started to laugh. "And our next case: Are Master Cyclonis and Dark Ace really dating?"

And they stared at each other for a long moment. Their eyes met in silent horror. Once more, Stork spoke for them. "Actually, I'd rather not know."

"Yeahhh..." Finn agreed with a creeped-out look. "Me neither."

* * *

><p><em>Mystery Log,<em>

_Yup, it's me. Detective Finn from The Stalker Chicken Detective Agency. And I solved the case. Along with some help from my assistant, Detective Stork. (Okay, partner, not assistant. But still. I mean, we both know who's cooler here.)_

_Radarr and Chicken have been dating for a month or so now. She was great at hiding. Turns out, she'd hide in the hangar because it's messy and stuff. And she'd get on and off terras, depending on where we'd stop, finding worms and things. _

_Whatever. The important thing is, she's sort of part of the group now. Which means no chicken dinners! UGH. But we'll see. Piper said she'd figure something out. _

_With this final note ends your role as a mystery log. I won't lie, I'll miss this!_

_Oh well. Let's get it over with: case closed. _

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Say it. I suck at endings. Always have.**

**Anyway, I told you the update would be late. But I got bored of procrastinating. **

**The story is over! :D I can't believe it. Yay, finally! **

**Thanks for sticking through it, you guys. I really appreciate it. :) **


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